My Life as a Married Person

 I am not convinced anyone truly heals. We can move forward, we can try to do better. But true healing while forgetting? That is impossible. You will always have those memories even if you wish they didn't exist.  My father wasn't a Christian when I was a child. He was a preacher for almost 10 years when he realized he wasn't saved. I was saved when I was 4. I've had people behave as if that made my life easy, but temptations still happen and I still did/do things I become ashamed of.  My father and mother were both scary people before they were saved. Acting holy and blameless in public, but terrifying and like devils at home. My mom would exaggerate and we would be punished harshly for those exaggerations. My father would yell, storm around the house, and if we look at him wrong (or breathed the wrong way) we would be punished.  As a child, most of my good memories involve when dad was around other people. When I realized this as I got older, I realized how bitter ...

 I have anxiety. It started to manifest when I was young but didn't go into full swing until I was 16 years old. I can pinpoint it that directly due to the circumstances surrounding it.  What does this have to do with baby showers? I am having one in August. My mom and a family friend are planning it for me. I hate being the center of attention so I am not looking forward to that. There are some people coming who I haven't met yet.  I am excited for the baby shower though because it means I can better take care of Lizzy. I would like her to be well taken care of. My best friend brought me some baby clothes for her that ranged from 0-5T. My little baby is already well loved by her "aunt".  I love Lizzy so much already. She kicks and rolls, bounces and jumps. I love feeling all of it, even when sometimes it hurts. I can't wait to hold her in my arms. 9 more weeks and I get to meet her in person. I am terrified and excited. Excited to meet her, terrified for childbir...