My Life as a Married Person

 I have anxiety. It started to manifest when I was young but didn't go into full swing until I was 16 years old. I can pinpoint it that directly due to the circumstances surrounding it.  What does this have to do with baby showers? I am having one in August. My mom and a family friend are planning it for me. I hate being the center of attention so I am not looking forward to that. There are some people coming who I haven't met yet.  I am excited for the baby shower though because it means I can better take care of Lizzy. I would like her to be well taken care of. My best friend brought me some baby clothes for her that ranged from 0-5T. My little baby is already well loved by her "aunt".  I love Lizzy so much already. She kicks and rolls, bounces and jumps. I love feeling all of it, even when sometimes it hurts. I can't wait to hold her in my arms. 9 more weeks and I get to meet her in person. I am terrified and excited. Excited to meet her, terrified for childbir...

 This week I am in my 30th week for pregnancy. I am excited and nervous because I only have 10 weeks left. I am nowhere near ready for this baby but I am doing my best. I have started cleaning my house better and I noticed I seem to be doing more "nesting" activities. I am doing dishes more frequently, cooking bigger meals, and overall just preparing for the arrival of the baby.  I am hoping to transport some of the baby furniture here in August. I think the day we do that, I will also invite mom and dad over for supper with the kids. It will be crowded, but it would be worth it. Especially if we can move the baby stuff in.  Rory bought a huge hamburger thing, so we are going to use that eventually. I'll probably pull it out of the freezer tomorrow so its thawed by Monday. Then I can cut it up and repackage it for storage on Tuesday. I plan on making "fake tacos" (hamburger, potatoes, carrots), hamburgers, casserole, etc. I am hoping to make freezer meals as wel...

 As you know, I sell clothes on Ebay. I recently "sold" a dress to someone, but now they would like me to send a text with additional pictures to negotiate a price. This is what scammers do, if you're not a scammer, don't do this. Everything must be done through Ebay.  I informed the person of Ebay's policy and asked what type of additional pictures they would like. I haven't heard anything back 24 hours later. If I don't hear back from them by next week, I am relisting the dress and reporting the buyer.  I also have an offer for a pair of shoes that I am selling. I have them listed for $6 and the offer is $3. I will likely take the offer but I need to talk to my husband first. ($3 plus $9 shipping=$12 total) I am willing to take this offer, but I want to be sure my husband is fine with it too.  In other news, I have discovered that my baby loves goldfish crackers. She kicks a lot whenever I eat them. I love feeling her little kicks and knowing she is aliv...

 I have grown up in church my whole life. I was saved young. I love the church with all my heart. If you are a Christian, you should be in church. As someone who couldn't attend church for almost a year, I understand that it's hard to go back.  I do understand that the church fails sometimes. I am reminded constantly in recent years that they fail quite more frequently then we would like them to. Here are some examples of where I feel the church has often failed me.  1. Nobody reaches out if you don't show up. When I was out of church for over a year, only two people contacted me. One also has a chronic illness and the other had good intentions. I was alone a lot and didn't see a lot of people. I struggled with depression from it for over a year along with severe anxiety attacks. 2. If you are in need and not yet a member, you are often excluded. I understand that certain privileges come with church membership. I am a pastor's kid, I understand too well. But I learn...

 Father's Day can be a difficult day for some people. For some, its a day of great sadness. Their dads may be absent or passed away. Their dads may have been abusive. Or maybe they never met their father. Whatever the reason, father's day can be very hard. The bible calls us to honor our fathers and mothers. On these days, it can be temping to say, "It's a hallmark holiday, let's not celebrate it". For  those of us who don't live at home, we tend to like this holiday. It gives us one day out of the year to honor our parents publicly.  I was lucky enough to have a dad who loved and cared for me. Did he do everything right? No. Before he was a Christian, he would've been considered abusive. He wielded his power with reckless abandon and often scared me and my sister. It felt like walking on eggshells until I was about 8 years old. Even then, he did still have to grow in Christ.  But he raised me well. He taught me the impotence of having work ethic, bein...

 Food cupboards are important places for the community. Not only do they feed the homeless, they feed people who are in financially rough place. If you have the means and are able, you should buy food for your local food cupboard. Here are some things we got from ours today: 1. A gallon of milk.  2. 4 bags of beans 3. A bag of rice 4. Hazelnuts 5. Canned fruit 6. Canned meat 7. Canned Tuna 8. Bread 9. Cupboard safe milk 10. Tomato Sauce 11. Canned mixed fruit 12. Canned peas 13. Peanut Butter 14. Oreos 15. Fruit snacks 16. Gluten Free chocolate wafers 17. Mini juice  18. Spices  and more that I can't remember.  All of this food was a blessing to us. We can only go six times in a year, so we will need to be careful with it. Now we can't go back until August, which will be right before the baby is born. The food we got will definitely help us with this month's grocery bill, but we will still need to go to the store.  Now that I know where there is a food cupb...

Hello again! Welcome back to my blog. I know it has been a while, so I decided I wanted to give an update on life in general. Today we will be discussing the following: 1. Pregnancy 2. Bible Study 3. Cooking 4. Financial Issues We will start with number one! As y'all know, I am pregnant. I am 27 weeks this week, so I am in my 3rd trimester now. I am so nervous, it means my baby is coming soon. The baby is a girl and her name will be Elizabeth Grace. Her first name is my Great Grandma's middle name.  Here is her baby registry:  https://www.amazon.com/baby-reg/samantha-cox-september-2021-azle/1XTII29PTBXA7 The address used is not mine for safety reasons.  I have been having bizarre food cravings. So far I've craved: Perogies, Panda Express, and Bagel Bites/Pizza. Here is a full list of my food cravings: Perogies, Panda Express, Bagel Bites, Pizza, Bagels, Subway, Pepperoni, Chicken Fries (Burger King), Salad, Ice Cream, and any veggies.  I feel Lizzy moving around a lo...

Every night I like to have a plan for supper. Whether that be snacking (chips, salsa, pepperoni, cheese, etc) or a full course meal. Tonight I am doing a full meal. Pork chops with the bone in (I'm frying 4), hotdogs (cooking 4), roasted asparagus, roasted cabbage, and maybe roasted potatoes if my husband still isn't home yet.  On Thursday nights he likes to go play frisbee. While that means I am at home alone, it means I have some time to cook and think. Sometimes thinking is a bad thing and I get myself into trouble. I dwell too heavily on being alone and then start to get lonely. Then I start to worry about money and binge read ways to make money.  Currently, I am now signed up through free sample places, so, maybe we will spend a little less money. If we spend less money on food, we will have more money for things like the bills, rent, gas, and more.  The reason why I cook so much food, is so that way I can pack my husband decent lunches. Maybe I can put 1 pork chop a...

When my husband first asked me to marry him, we didn't do an engagement ring. He asked me informally many times and I said yes many times. When he finally did ask me to marry him in a serious way, we still didn't use an engagement ring. We found a wedding ring for me and I was happy enough with that. While I would have wanted one, I didn't want to cause him to feel bad. Recently, I made a joke about having an engagement ring. I hadn't meant anything by it and was more trying to be silly than anything. My husband decided that when he had enough money he would buy me an engagement ring. I tried to talk him out of it at first, but if there was one thing I've learned, it's my husband is more stubborn than me.  So, he recently bought me an engagement ring, he jokingly said for our two month anniversary. It arrives (hopefully) on Saturday.  Adjusting to his love language is hard for me. It seems the two major ones are words of affirmation and giving gifts. Receiving g...

My husband and I both knew we would eventually hurt each others feelings. Its bound to happen when living with the same person every day. We knew we would eventually have arguments. However, that didn't stop it from hurting both of us when it happened. I was feeling sick and my husband wanted to be silly with me. I became upset and snapped at him when he started to pick on me about being sick. He wasn't being mean spirited, he only wanted to make me feel better.  He became sad and withdrawn, then I cried. I hadn't meant to hurt his feelings and he hadn't meant to hurt mine. He was more shocked when I started to cry than when I snapped. I don't cry very often in front of him. I was taught that tears are a way women manipulate men, so I try not to cry too often in front of them. I don't want to seem manipulative.  There were times when he accidentally hurt me, like yesterday, and he wanted forgiveness. In my eyes, there was nothing to forgive. He hadn't sinned...

Regardless of if we believe it or not, everyone is doing some type of preparation for marriage. For girls, it is a little more clear cut. We are trained very young to be mothers. We have dolls, kitchen toy sets, and small baking ovens. Some mothers do better than others at preparing their daughters and sons to be good spouses.  My mother taught me that I should have supper ready at a specific time, that the house should be clean, and that I should be on top of everything. What has happened instead is that supper is between the times of 4-8PM, the house may or may not be clean, and I feel like I'm flailing around. The expectations of what I learned how things should be, is not what they are. I am also sick 75% of the time and trying to be a good wife for my husband.  My husband was taught that he should work hard, respect his wife, help his wife with the chores and/or kids, and read scripture with his wife. He works very hard, respects me, helps me with anything he can, and rea...

When I was getting married, we did it very fast. I graduated college in May then got married June 5th. We didn't have a lot of time to plan. I was so thankful for my church that donated so many resources for the wedding. Even if the resource is time, it was still important to me.  It is also important to note that this wasn't our ideal situation. We wanted a wedding in NY near a waterfall, but due to Covid-19, we could not do that. So, we had our wedding in my church in Texas with mostly my family and friends. I was sad that my husband's family and friends (except for one family) didn't bother to show up. For me, it showed a side of his family that I didn't really like.  Part of the wedding plans were: Invitations (I used FB and physical ones, also e-mail) Decorations (Behind the pulpit we had doors) Photographer (I am still iffy on if we should've used the one we had, we still don't have the pictures) Food  Wedding Dress Bridesmaids Outfits Grooms Outfit Gr...

On June 5th, 2020 I was married to the love of my life. We met about three years ago in my church, I was the pastors daughter and he is the middle child of seven boys. At that time I liked him, but he did not like me.  We rarely talked, we usually only exchanged pleasantries. I asked him about work or how his week was, he did the same for me. Then my parents moved from NY to TX and I stayed to do school. We talked more after that, but not a lot. Then I went to visit my parents and that was when we started talking almost non stop. It wasn't long after I came home in January that he asked me to court him. From around January to May we dated, then he asked me to marry him. We were engaged at the end of March, beginning of April. Then we were married two months later. We have been together almost 8 months and married for almost 2 months.  The biggest change for me has been my last name. Now my signature is changing because I will have a new last name. Another huge change is keepin...