The church, their responsibilities, and how it can effect mindsets.

 I have grown up in church my whole life. I was saved young. I love the church with all my heart. If you are a Christian, you should be in church. As someone who couldn't attend church for almost a year, I understand that it's hard to go back. 

I do understand that the church fails sometimes. I am reminded constantly in recent years that they fail quite more frequently then we would like them to. Here are some examples of where I feel the church has often failed me. 

1. Nobody reaches out if you don't show up.
When I was out of church for over a year, only two people contacted me. One also has a chronic illness and the other had good intentions. I was alone a lot and didn't see a lot of people. I struggled with depression from it for over a year along with severe anxiety attacks.

2. If you are in need and not yet a member, you are often excluded.
I understand that certain privileges come with church membership. I am a pastor's kid, I understand too well. But I learned through this pregnancy that nobody cares for other pro-life people. If someone were to keep their baby when considering abortion, there would be a baby shower for a non-member. But because I am a Christian who is married, I am not getting the same privilege. We are in need. I am paying our rent this month because my husband is struggling with his new job. I will be fortunate in July if I am able to pay August's rent. I am thankful because an individual has given us $500. We don't know who is giving it and we are thankful. It will probably be used to change our tires and saved for rent. 

I am struggling while writing this. I am trying to find peace with the fact that we probably won't be members until November or December. By then our baby will have come, we will be in debt, and we will be struggling harder than before. We have cut out food as an expense. 

I am struggling because I've helped so many people financially. But when we are in trouble, nobody bothers to step in. My own parents I've given thousands of dollars to help with different needs. I had to bribe my dad to help us move from NY to TX. Its hard not to be bitter.